Dvar Chayei Sarah 11/23/2019

by Gordon A. Glenn

Dear Abby:

I am devastated and heartbroken. My husband  has lost his mind. We married young and were very much in love, but were unable to conceive children. He worked for his father. Time passed then, when I was 65 and he was 75, he told me we were going to get up and leave our home, our family, and his father’s house and travel to a new land because God told him to and that great things would happen for us. I suppose it was a good time to leave because his father’s business was “idol.”

I know he loved me, but sometimes he involved me in some shady practices. During a famine, we traveled to Egypt because food was scarce elsewhere. Despite his faith in God, he asked me to lie to the Egyptians and tell them I was his sister so it would be good for him. HIM! What about me? By acceding to his request, I was taken to be a concubine for Pharaoh who then showered my husband with sheep, cattle, donkeys, slaves and maidservants. My husband was kind of a con artist. When Pharaoh found out, he treated me with more respect than my husband, insisting that my husband take me back and leave Egypt with all the wealth he acquired. You would think that would be enough, but no. Years later, while we sojourned in Gerar, he pulled the same scam on Abimelech, the king, telling him I was his sister. Once Abimelech learned of this, he was flabbergasted and ordered me returned to my husband and as recompense, gave my husband flocks, cattle, and male and female servants. All I got was an apology. Men!

My husband also had a love child with one of our maids. This led to some tension between the maid and I, but I suffered through it for my husband’s sake.

Years passed, and you won’t believe this, but I bore a child, a male child, when my husband was 100 and I was 90! The impossible became possible. I laughed, and all laughed with me. I was so happy and doted on my son, my only child. He meant the world to me and when I saw my maid’s son mocking my son, I feared for him and had my husband expel the boy and his mother. I thought that would be the end of any danger for our son. I was wrong.

I knew my husband was obedient to God, but I never imagined him being a danger to our son. One morning, without consulting with me or telling me, he sneaked out of camp with our son and a couple of servants with the intent of using our son as a sacrifice. A sacrifice! Our son! When word came to me of what happened, I felt a betrayal to my very soul. I forbid my husband from entering my tent and I refused to travel with him. But worst of all, after the attempted sacrifice, our son did not come back to me. Instead, he went to dwell in Beer-lachai-roi with his half-brother and Egyptian mother! Now I sit alone in my tent with no husband and no son. I have cried so much, there are no tears left and I don’t know what to do.

Signed,

Ready To Die.

Dear Abby:

I am the husband of Ready To Die. My wife passed away before she could mail her letter to you.  I came across it when I returned to her tent in Hevron after hearing about her death. Since then, I have been inconsolable. I have rent my garment and bewailed her for days. I am sorry beyond measure. Everything she wrote is true. I should have given her the opportunity to say “No” but I was afraid if I looked into her sweet face and innocent eyes, I might not have gone through with it. Why couldn’t I argue for my wife like I did for the inhabitants of Sodom and Gomorrah? For her sake, not mine. Instead, I left without telling her and I will regret to my dying day that I didn’t tell her. The passion for my God blinded me to the feelings and suffering of my family. I let them down and now it is too late to make it up to my wife. In my despondency, I even allowed myself to be taken advantage of by Ephron, a Hittite, in the purchase of land and a cave in Machpelah to bury my beloved wife. I paid 400 silver shekels. I was willing to pay any price to show my love for her and did not want to cheapen my devotion by trying to haggle over the amount. I know it cannot make up for what she went through and my guilt is overwhelming.

Signed,

Bereaved Husband

Dear Bereaved:

I am sorry for your loss. This is a story that is far too common. In the quest to follow a dream, pursue a profession, or achieve a goal, a spouse will leave a loved one behind to pick up the pieces of a fractured, irreparably destroyed relationship, often with unintended and dire consequences. All the cries of anguish, rending of garments, and expensive and extravagant funeral arrangements, after the damage is done, pale compared to a loving peck on the cheek, a kind word, a warm embrace, and honest respect and communication for your loved one. It is my hope that today’s readers learn this lesson and take it to heart before it is too late.

Shabbat shalom.