Delivered: May 11, 2013 by Al Kohn
Parashat: B’midbar- Numbers 1:1 – 4:20

A part of this D’var Torah, mainly the biblical references, was initially written by Rabbi Yoel H. Kahn of Congregation Beth El in Berkeley, California. On 5/15/10 he authored a commentary on this Torah portion B’midbar on the “10 Minutes of Torah, Union For Reform Judaism” website.

This week’s Torah portion, B’midbar, is the first in the Book of Numbers. The books of the Torah are named after their first important word. Thus, B’midbar is the name of both the fourth book of the Five Books of the Torah and of the weekly Torah portion.

The parashah begins: “Vaiy’dabeir Adonai el-Mosheh b’midbar Sinai b’ohel mo-eid… “ In Gunther Plaut’s, “THE TORAH, A Modern Commentary”, the translation reads: “On the first day of the second month, in the second year following the exodus from the land of Egypt, the Lord spoke to Moses in the wilderness of Sinai, in the Tent of Meeting…“ The crucial word, b’midbar, is not at the beginning in this version. Seeking to convey the force of the Hebrew in English, the translators reversed the sequence of phrases, moving the date up before the location. A more precise, word-for-word translation is: “And Adonai spoke unto Moses in the wilderness of Sinai, in the Tent of Meeting, on the first day of the second month, in the second year after they had come out of the land of Egypt…”

To quote Rabbi Kahn, ” B’midbar, translated as wilderness is as important a concept in the Bible as it is for us. Again and again, it is in the wilderness—the uncivilized, unmapped place—where sacred encounters occur. Moses first encounters God when his flock of sheep are wandering , literally “beyond the wilderness” (Exodus 3:1). Later he asks Pharaoh to give the Israelites not just respite from their labors, but also leave to go on a spiritual pilgrimage outside of the urban center: “Let us go, we pray, a distance of three days into the wilderness…” (Exodus 5:3).” Close quote from Rabbi Kahn. In parashah Vayishlach when Jacob flees from Esau, he heads toward Haran, but his life-transforming encounter takes place in a random place in the middle of nowhere when his name gets changed to Israel.

Despite our achievements and progress, as individuals and as a people, many of us may find that we are ourselves b’midbar, in the wilderness. Our plans, our health, our careers, and our families’ lives do not unfold in the ways that we have anticipated or yearned for, and we find ourselves wandering in uncharted territory. A diagnosis or death can suddenly upend the carefully constructed balance of our ordinary patterns. As it has been said, “Man plans and God laughs.” It is not that we must be in a place of pain or despair or lost in order to commune with God; rather, it is in these times that we may be more open to the encounter and to truly test our faith.

The unknown, unexpected, unpredictable midbar where we encounter the voice of the sacred can be a positive place, too. Much of the halachic (Jewish legal) tradition about prayer emphasizes the regularity and fixed dimensions of prayer. In Orthodox and Conservative services, not only is there a great emphasis on reciting the correct words at the correct time of day and season of the year, but the shaliach tzibur (service leader) goes back and repeats the entire Amidah in case anyone in the congregation has made a mistake! God forbid!! For us being Reform Jews and particularly in our Minyan service here at CBI, this dimension of prayer is perhaps most clearly invoked in responsive reading. This is when we all recite passages from the Miskan T’filah siddur together. However, I often find myself not truly praying. I am reciting the words but my thoughts are wandering off. I am standing and sitting, but I’m not truly concentrating on my prayers. Prior to our Torah service here at Minyan, we normally have a few minutes for private, silent prayers. It is then that I become overwhelmed by all that I suddenly have to say—or do not yet even have words for. In these moments when I allow myself to truly let the fullness of awe and gratitude in, that I’ve mostly kept buried down inside me, I am then in my own b’midbar. I am in a wild, untamed, and unorganized place when I truly enter the Ohel Mo-eid, the Tent of Meeting with God.

For years I was in my own wilderness. After my bar mitzvah at an orthodox synagogue in Chicago, I rarely attended weekly Shabbat or high holy day services until I/we arrived in San Diego in 1990. My family was not orthodox nor observant for that matter. After Fern and I were married at a reform temple in Chicago(Temple Shalom) in 1971, we were not affiliated there. When we moved to Phoenix in 1972, we were similarly not affiliated, nor again rarely attended weekly Shabbat or high holy day services. Fern never pushed me or dragged me to attend services. This was quite remarkable on her part as she was the librarian at the orthodox Phoenix Hebrew Academy.

I really can’t say what brought me back to Judaism after being A.W.O.L. from it for 32 years to what Fern refers to me as being a “Born Again Jew.” I finally decided to come out of my own wilderness. What might have brought me back to God was simply proximity to Congregation Beth Israel when it was located at Third and Laurel, when we were then living in Hillcrest about two miles from CBI. Certainly the beginning of the lay-led Minyan Service in 1991 was a major factor in my journey back to God. Fern also encouraged me to let go of some Jewish baggage that I was shlepping around for all those years. We have been members of CBI since mid-1990 and also belong to the same Chavurah since then.

If someone would have told me in 1991 that in a few years I would be leading a lay-lead Jewish worship service, would read Torah ever so often and would frequently present D’var Torahs, I’d laugh in their face and ask them to have their head examined. So it’s never too late to come out of the wilderness and return to your Jewish roots and practice your Judaism with all your heart and soul.

Shabbat Shalom!